After a long year of "translating" the words of Bev Perdue to an incredulous capitol press corps, the governor's Ministry of Information has made this attempt at holiday humor.
Dome recognizes the fingerprints of once-upon-a-time journalists turned Svengalis Mark Johnson and Ben Niolet all over this poem.
‘Twas the week before Christmas, and under the dome,
The press staff had work to do before they went home.
The news releases were spun by the staffers with care
In hopes that the press corps would reprint and be fair.
The budget writers, though brave, still quaked in their Keds
While visions of money trees danced in their heads.
And Bev in her pantsuit and Bob in his khakis
Announced some new jobs with help from Chris Mackey.
When just down the street arose such a cry
We rushed to the web to investigate why.
“Fetzer’s not here. And Rand’s now with us.
So what in the world could cause such a fuss?”
The lights on our screens lit our faces aglow
As the stories we read told tales full of woe.
For what to our wondering eyes did appear
But 26 more Republicans than we had last year.
A hole in our budget that equaled 3-6
With no end in sight, and no easy fix.
More rapid than eagles reporters they came,
And we cringed, we fretted, and called them by name:
“Oh Robertson! Now Ellis! It’s Leslie, and Binker!
There’s Browder and Biesecker (but he’s quite the stinker)!
Gernardo’s outside; Jon Camp’s in the hall!
Please go away, go away, go away all!”
As reporters to free food rush in with a sprint
Did the press office tackle TV, web and print.
“Consolidate! Eliminate! We can do it!” we wrote.
“Jobs, education, setting straight,” and I quote.
And then, in a minute, they posted online:
The governor’s plan will work out just fine.
The budget’s a challenge, and jobs, yes, we need ‘em.
But there’re signs of success in the stats, if we heed ‘em.
Invest in our kids, keep teachers on top,
And we’ll be a recovery machine that won’t stop.
So to our friends in the Capitol Press Corps we say,
See you soon, and until then, have a happy holiday!