N.C. blogger turns to novel-writing

No. I was a Baptist but my doctor told me to quit. I developed acid reflux and the doc told me to stay away from fried chicken.

I joined the Presbyterians because they will take just about anybody. And they rarely have homecomings and eat at church...... and when they do we have sliced pinapple (out of a can-Dole) on lettuce with a little mayo on it.....it has a fancy name like Waldorf Salad or something but I'm not sure. But the greatest part of being a Presbyterian is that they always let out early so that you can be first in line at the Golden Corral. We're real practical people.

Ahem.

Jesus Swept is not in the business of perpetuating old myths, but rather inspiring new ones. We have magical pelicans, spontaneous healing, whispering puppets, and mysterious silver inscriptions.

But no burning bush.

I take it you're not a member of the Church of the Latter Day Saints!

Um, yeah, only part of that was supposed to make it into print.

I really need to disconnect this direct cerebral interface module thingie, before something really @#$%^&* nasty shows up...oh, cool! It bleeps out the bad words for you! That's @#$%^&* awesome.

"my little sister was once called ‘jail-bait.’"

Hah! I knew if I waited long enough, someone else would say it for me, so I could get away with acting like I'm not the type to think along those lines.

Shame on you, Domewatcher! ;)

I am appalled by the audacity of the N & O!

First they don’t play nice with the dear Governor……and now admitting to violating the law. RTB must not realize that it is unlawful to bait wildlife here in North Carolina. Using James as “mail-bait” must be against the Newspaper Code or a violation of Postal Service Regulations. It attracts all kinds of wildlife.

I have heard James called many names……but ‘mail-bait’ is a new one. I keep the names James has been called on an external hard drive. It’s the size of a concrete block.

And it further distresses me to think I may be related to James! He’s ‘mail-bait’ and I am a ‘repro-bait’ and my little sister was once called ‘jail-bait.’ Could it be that the family will get back together?

There’s a rumor going around that James’ book may be made into a full-length motion picture. I heard that Pat will play the role of Jesus. The only role that has been nailed down for sure is that of the ‘burning bush’…….some homemade furniture is being donated from the Guv’s mansion?

P.S. I gave a copy of James’ book to my preacher for Christmas. He sent me a thank you note saying that I had been thrown out of the church.

You sure have a weigh with words!

Could this be the real reason I posted about the book?

11. To generate a lot of comments during a slow news week.

Protzman is mail-bait.

— RTB

I nominate this thread for the next round of Celebrity Rehab. There are many...issues here.

JAT

While Ryan must be in the "giving mood" surrounding the religious season, attacking a man because of his choice to write a book is ridiculous. Honestly, I know I disagree with James, but more power to you bud for writing a book. Tangoz, I am sure that if you read the book that James might agree to a constructive open debate on the contents of the book...

Paul, where does one begin to address the failure to "contrast" what you wrote?

Would a person insist that the problem with mold-ridden vegetables being deposited in the paper bin at the recycling station is not obvious?

Would anyone demand that the futility of hanging a toilet deodorizer cake on a frightened skunk's tail be explained?

Would someone suggest that no concerns should arise with the staging of a boxing match between the current heavyweight champion and a twelve year old suffering cerebral palsy?

Nothing personal, just some questions here.

"You attack me personally but fail to contrast what I wrote."

Okay, I'll do a little contrasting, Paul. This declaration:

"This book of fiction is just another way for him to unleash his fury against people who disagree with him."

about a book you haven't seen, much less read, is about as mature and knowledgeable as a 12 year-old scribbling on the wall of the boy's room. And it also allows you to (once again) bang yourself with the Irony Stick, because you're using an article about a book being published to attack "people like James" for being the type of people who attack. You also squeeze in a complaint about the Independent in there, just so people won't forget you were persecuted by the media. *yawn*

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Realistic self-perception."

"Go away and leave me alone!"

And to think the election of Barack Obama was going to be end of personal attacks. You attack me personally but fail to contrast what I wrote. A couple of you here are the arrogant ones. You make personal attacks because you cannot defeat the argument in open debate. I can sit here and call you a moron without referencing anything you said, but then I would be stooping down to your level.

Ryan,

You're a classy guy. THAT is why you gave James this plug.

Conmax, you're a freakin idiot. James is not anti-religion by any measure. Is he a hyper-sensitive, knee-jerk reactionary who invests more energy in justifying emotional and often childish responses than he does in committing effort to a level-headed reflection and assessment of issues? Yes. But that's not always a bad thing.

And he is disposed to be kind to dumb animals, which explains why he was kind enough to respond to Terrell's pathetic, bleeding, sophomoric rant.

Just my pure-minded opinion.

Isaac

"He will do most anything for a treat.......my wife, not so much."

You might consider role-playing. And here's a clue: "I'm tired and you're bored" doesn't count. Heck, even, "I'm on my lunch hour and you're a DMV clerk" would be an improvement over that. ;)

Sorry for the derail. This is supposed to be about James' book.

"Listen up people! Read his book, or I will release the hounds! And the parakeets!"

And Terrell, you've been screaming and clawing at the world like a cat in a bag since your candidacy began, and it's time to give it a rest. Seriously. If you keep this up, that little hamster that's spinning the wheel in your head is going to collapse with his little claw clutching his little chest.

Sorry. I wandered into a pet store the other day and got trapped by other shoppers, and my analogies have been littered (see?) with pet references ever since.

I think you are right about my dog. He will do most anything for a treat.......my wife, not so much.

"Well......that pretty much describes my wife, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my dog, my preacher, the Governor's barber, Civitas.......and my girlfriend."

Your dog really doesn't believe he's morally superior, he's just angling for an increase at treat time; from 1 1/2 to 3, whole and unbroken treats. The others want your soul, but he just wants your cooperation.

From above:

"In a press release, Protzman said the novel is a response to the growth of cultural power among religious conservatives and a "challenge to those who believe their ideas about what is right and good are morally superior.""

.....a challenge to those who belive their ideas about what is right and good are morally superior.......

Well......that pretty much describes my wife, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my dog, my preacher, the Governor's barber, Civitas.......and my girlfriend.

James Protzman is a secular-progressive. While we try to observe our holiday, our savior, and our God, they attack us. Just like when the Independent attacked me while endorsing my opponent over my Pro Life stance, secular-progressives attack us for our beliefs.

If you simply state that you do not believe in abortion, people like James attack you. If you support the troops people like James attack you. Basically if you disagree with their views they attack you. James is paranoid if he thinks social conservatives are out to get him. It seems to me everytime I turn on the TV or computer secular-progressives are spewing out their hate. ie MoveOn.org. This book of fiction is just another way for him to unleash his fury against people who disagree with him.* Tangoz, possible Sara Palin Church member in Moses drag

Good Grief Tangoz! We had no idea that secluar progressives hated the Great Architect and wanted to place his face on the back side of Mars....

By the way Tangoz, Jesus came yesterday and took his flock to Paradise and we didn't see your name on the flight list! Is it possible that you have been left behind and will have to share a homeless bed with George Bush after January.....

I especially like Number 6, but I suspect the real answer is more simple:

It's a slower-than-molasses news day.

Thanks for the words of wisdom, and for the clever new label. Secular progressive. That's interesting, especially since I was born again and baptized in the Southern Baptist Church at the age of nine.

Also, I spent five years as an officer in the US Navy, including two in special operations at Camp Lejeune. Feel free to criticize me in any way you like, but when it comes to support for our troops, you'll find few people who are as active and engaged as I am. You need to get your facts straight, sir.

Finally, I don't know about other "secular progressives," but I personally don't spend a second worrying about what you believe. It is only your desire to impose those beliefs on others that I find unacceptable.

James Protzman is a secular-progressive. While we try to observe our holiday, our savior, and our God, they attack us. Just like when the Independent attacked me while endorsing my opponent over my Pro Life stance, secular-progressives attack us for our beliefs.

If you simply state that you do not believe in abortion, people like James attack you. If you support the troops people like James attack you. Basically if you disagree with their views they attack you. James is paranoid if he thinks social conservatives are out to get him. It seems to me everytime I turn on the TV or computer secular-progressives are spewing out their hate. ie MoveOn.org. This book of fiction is just another way for him to unleash his fury against people who disagree with him.

Top ten reasons Ryan may have published the Protzman article:

10. Ryan took the buyout and this is his final insult to the N & O.
9. Ryan wants to get an invite to James’ big New Year’s Eve Bash.
8. Ryan has finally got on medication.
7. Ryan his finally gotten off medication.
6. Ryan is atoning for his decidedly conservative slant?
5. Ryan is trying to induce the conservative readers of Dome into a holiday cardiac arrest.
4. This is actually a sermon about the lion lying down with the lamb……although which is the lamb is still in question. (More after the jump.)
3. This is James’ reward for being a faithful Dome reader.
2. This is James’ punishment for being a faithful Dome reader.

1. James declared the Dome to be dead……..and Ryan is proving it!

Thanks ... and happy new year.

James

PS Here's a better link.